If I Were a Brewer...

…these are some of the fantasy beers that I’d want to brew.

A 4%ABV mild brewed with fresh cherries. Just because there aren’t enough 4% milds brewed with fresh cherries.

A 5%ABV oatmeal stout with a decently thick body, lots of chocolatey character and hopped with Santiam, Cascade, Crystal and a heck of a lot of Centennials. A chocolate orange bomb. I would also develop a 10%+ version of this.

A porter with peanut puree in, around 9%ABV, lots of toasty-bready-dark chocolate flavour and aged with fresh raspberries. Peanut butter, jam and chocolate sandwich in a glass. (And yes, I am aware of the Shorts Uber Goober beer which is similar to this and I really want to try it!)

Carrot cake beer. Somewhere between 6%-8%ABV, a malty base with lots of dried fruit sweetness (probably from the combo of pale malt and dark sugar), fresh carrot juice, some spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, clove), citrusy and earthy hops and fermented with a Belgian yeast.

A breakfast beer. Coffee oatmeal stout with blueberries, maple syrup and a smoky-savoury note from some smoked malts.

A quadruple-IPA. Super-strong and super-bitter (circa 15% and 150IBUs). Served with a teabag of more fresh hops in the glass for those who want even more bitterness (maybe I'd even develop a special dry-hop glass with a mesh compartment at the bottom to hold the hop bag).

A perfect lawnmower beer. 4%, best served ice cold and drunk from the bottle, a pale ale with plenty of sweet caramel and biscuity malt base and quenching citrusy-juicy hops. There should be so many of these beers around but I’ve yet to find one that I love.

I’d like to develop a mixing project quartet . They’d all be different (probably an IPA, stout, fruit beer and barley wine) called something exciting like 1, 2, 3 and 4 and the idea is that they're made to be mixed so that the drinker can create their own beers and experiment with mixing. For example, they might want to mix 1 and 4 to create a super hoppy barley wine, or maybe 2 and 3 to have a fruity stout. And if there were four beers to blend then there’s a lot of potential outcomes. Could be a fun and creative concept? And of course, the beers would work as single brews in their own right if the drinker didn't want to mix.

I’d perfectly combine Pliny the Elder and Ruination IPA to create Pliny the Ruinator!

As a homebrewer I would create perfect clones of some of my favourite beers so that I could drink them any time I liked. Or as a commercial brewer I'd want a regular range which included an IPA, a ‘house’ or best ale, a mild and a stout, with super-sized versions of all of them (for example, there'd be a 5% IPA and an 8% IPA, a 4% best ale and a 9% barley wine…), plus seasonals that include a Belgian-style ale, some barrel-aged experiments (including cherry brandy casks and calvados) and a fresh hop beer.

What would your fantasy (home)brewery make?

And if any brewery does any of these already then let me know. Or, if any breweries want to try these then go for it, just let me know when they are done so that I can try them!